Thanks Stephen, you're really sweet but I'd prefer the cash

I may be the wrong woman to judge, after all, the closest I've ever come to having a flash car is owning a Red Ford KA - red cars are faster, right? - but if Manchester City footballer Stephen Ireland was my boyfriend, I'm not sure I'd be that delighted to discover he'd spent nearly £300,000 buying me a car for my birthday.

It's not that I would object to having that kind of money spent on me, it's rather more that spending a six-figure sum on a pimped up car seems like an essentially boyish thing to do. It just doesn't seem imaginative or empathetic. It's like instead of asking himself what his girlfriend really wants, Ireland has just gone for the Premier League equivalent of Homer buying Marge a bowling ball for her birthday.

With £300,000 I could pay off the mortgage, treat myself to some expensive make-up, a whole new wardrobe, a decent motor and long holiday in Barbados. And let's face it, what's the likely resale value of a garishly done up Bentley with "To Jess, Love from Stephen" stitched into every seat? I'd rather diamond earrings, any day.

Call me cynical, but premiership footballers aren't usually of the unerringly faithful breed. If Stephen were to ditch me or cheat on me, I suspect the enormous car would put men off. Aside from that it would look decidedly silly parked in front of my modest little terraced house. Being worth 30% more than the value of my home, it would hardly make me look prudent either. I would feel like the CoverGirl for flippant excess.

Yes, perhaps I am being cynical. Maybe it truly is a gorgeously romantic gesture. Sure she's going to have to fork out a hefty sum for her car insurance, but at least the gift will, according to a friend of the couple, do what counts and infuriate the other Wags, "He's thought of absolutely everything. The other soccer Wags will be jealous for sure when they see Jess cruising around."

Image © >wouter< vis Flickr, under Creative Commons Licence

# posted by Fuse @ 7:58 AM