Having driven through the safari park at Longleat, willing my near-death Fiat Tipo to make it all the way round the tortuous clutch churning track so that we could sneak a peak at three rather tired looking lionesses laying in grass that needed a quick trim from a flymo, I am well versed in the feeling of unease that comes from a drive into the monkey enclosure.

However, reports from a Safari Park, Merseyside suggest that their little bundles of fur have lost the taste for windscreen wipers and rubber door trim and now have a penchant for fine fashions and costly couture.

Yes, unwise sightseers who have gone into the baboon jungle with a roof box atop their car are finding that the clever critters can get in and have a jolly good rummage. Oooh the shame of it!

And now, we're just waiting for the report of lions finding a way to get into roof boxes and then leaping out in a surprise attack on the cheeky chimps.

Image © odolphie via Flickr, under Creative Commons Licence

# posted by Fuse @ 7:54 AM 0 Comments

Autotrader, ever living up to the macho motoring stereotype, recently ran a story with the title - 'Miss Englands' on the pull in London - and we're not being bitter or twisted here (well not much anyway) but we think the prettiest thing on show in the piece is the pink convertible Mini.

Of course, being serious motoring women we would choose the colour with a little more care. For instance, I've always been a fan of the classic British Racing Green, but I have to say, Laser Blue looks pretty cool especially as it's summer.

And if you're on a budget, the standard solid white is always a classy choice, but we'd avoid the addition of white wheel rims.

Baby pink is not a standard Mini colour and although we're sure the Miss England ladies didn't mind the exposure in Autotrader, the use of a pink car was hopefully not agreeable to all of them. We think they could have at least towed the car a little further than 15 metres.

Come on motoring mags – get with the programme – not all women wear high heels and have every conceivable item in baby pink – well not all of us anyway!

Image © jiazi vis Flickr, under Creative Commons Licence

# posted by Fuse @ 5:42 AM 0 Comments

As I sit here waiting for my fellow car insurance colleague to return from the shops with my chocolate order, I am unable to concentrate on anything that is not chocolate related so I thought I would put my chocolate distraction to good use and have a look at some chocolatey facts that might interest people.

• Brits spend around £5 billion a year on chocolate, £80 million of that is spent at Easter.


• We munch our way through 200 million creme eggs every year.


• The Brits only fall behind the Swiss in chocolate consumption, eating around 8.6kg of chocolate a year.


• The biggest selling chocolate bar in England continues to be Cadury's Dairy Milk with over 250 million bars sold every year.

For me, when it comes to chocolate for every day consumption, nothing can really beat Maltesers although why they bother putting 'more to share' on their party sized packs is anyone's guess - as if you'd ever share a bag of your favourite chocolate!

# posted by Fuse @ 8:46 AM 0 Comments

With the prospect of a four hour drive up the M1 to Sheffield looming this weekend, I have begun the search for the perfect mid-drive stop. Is there such a thing I wondered to myself?

We only make two regular trips onto motorways and both journeys don't really require a stop (unless someone is busting for the loo) but we feel that after two and a half to three hours of driving, up from the South Coast, half way around the M25 and then on to the M1, we are going to need a proper break – I mean a sit down, possibly with some food. We won't be in any tearing hurry to get to our destination, which is nearer to Rotherham in actuality, so we might as well sample some of the local hospitality.

I started to ‘google' motorway services and found a great website named, handily, Motorway Services filled with ratings and information about the best and the worst places to have a rest, a pee, and bite to eat.

So, now I know, I shall probably be stopping at a little place known as Leicester Forest East Services somewhere between Junctions 21 and 22. Renowned for its Burger King and KFC, we shall enjoy a morsel or two washed down with a cheeky little number from Coffee Primo, and once refreshed will continue on along the backbone of the country, to spend a quiet evening in the joyous clutches of Rotherham.

Know a good Motorway Services? Why not let us know. This film was made before the service station management got their signage sorted out and apparently for some weeks after it opened it was deserted to all but a few eagle-eyed customers who spotted the exit. I don't expect the lovely Leicester Forest East will be this quiet, but, you never know.

# posted by Fuse @ 5:34 AM 0 Comments

With Anthony's Gormley's 'Living Monument' up and running, I was expecting to be wowed and amazed by the imaginative displays put on by the people taking part. However, when I clicked through to the live web feed of the plinth, I was disappointed to see a girl sitting doing absolutely nothing looking rather bored and a little bit cold. The only slight bit of entertainment came when she unwittingly revealed her underpants which made her cheeks go slightly pink.

To be fair some of the 'living statues' are going to quite a lot of effort. The previous person had dressed up as a fish, had obviously spent a long time thinking up his protests and was very passionate about revealing the real origins of prawns in Spanish paellas.

If I were to go up there, it would either be with a humongous chocolate cake which I would spend my time devouring with a teaspoon, or I would go with a huge sack of penny sweets to spray at the crowds and ensure my popularity with. However, as a bit of a shrinking violet, instead I will just continue to hypercritically mock other people who have more guts and bravery than me to embrace their hour of glory.

What would you do in your golden hour?

[Image © tiredoflondon via Flickr, under Creative Commons Licence]

# posted by Fuse @ 6:53 AM 0 Comments

In the news item, the CoverGirl writer was very staid in her reporting of the 24-year-old female driver from Norwich who passed her driving test first time in a faultless examination that brought her a special message of congratulations from the UK's Chief Driving Instructor, but here in the blog I can say:-

YAAAAAAAAAAY! You Go Girl!

Yes, it's almost unheard of and yes, she is a woman and yes, she did it perfectly and yes, women drivers are better than men (technically that's safer, but here I can say better) and yes, I'm a woman driver who knows I can read maps, and park the car and I can even change the oil.

Image © tgraham via Flickr, under Creative Commons Licence

# posted by Fuse @ 7:12 AM 0 Comments

Writing an article recently about the tendency of birds to poop mostly on blue cars was always going to tempt fate especially with my brand new shiny black car proudly parked under a whole load of bird-infested trees.

Of course the inevitable happened. A great big downpoo! Not just the odd splatter, but a whole covering of thick green and white gloopy poo all over my beautiful shiny bonnet.

To make matters worse, not only did I have to drive the 30 minute trip home with aforesaid substance covering my car, but once I did try and remove it, big splodges have appeared that are resistant to any kind of car shampoo or polisher. What those birds have been eating is anybody's guess.

My beautiful car that was so shiny has been reduced to a splodgy mess. Its paint work that was once spotless is now streaky and uneven like someone that's been at the fake tan without blending in properly.

Any ideas on getting rid of the marks, or similar tales of woe so I don't feel so alone in my sorrow would be greatly appreciated.

[Image © josh.ev9 via Flickr, under Creative Commons Licence]

# posted by Fuse @ 6:52 AM 0 Comments